I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
