I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Reggie can tackle my bush.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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