Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize