why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
