Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Randomize
