funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
