Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
