We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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