Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
