Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize