Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Randomize
