why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize