he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
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