I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Randomize
