if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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