I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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