he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
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