So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Randomize
