Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
