Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
