i would punch a child for taco bell
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Randomize
