I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Randomize
