just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
