I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
