every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Randomize
