A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Randomize
