she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
