my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
