The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
