Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Randomize
