i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
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