I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
