I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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