I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Someone shattered a urinal.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Randomize
