Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Randomize
