All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Randomize
