I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
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