I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
