its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
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