this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Randomize
