My sheets look like a crime scene.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Randomize