Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
