i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
