can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
