I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
