i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
