There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
im calling her cock vulture from now on
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
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