hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Randomize
