Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
