Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
