Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I want a musical about memes.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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