i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
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