I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
