I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
