Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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