why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Randomize
