I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
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