Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Four minutes until I can fart!
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Randomize
