Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
