Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
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