i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Vodka?
Forever.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
