oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
just found out that she named her cat after me.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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