omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
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