Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
