Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Randomize
