He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Randomize
