I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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