Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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