Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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