He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
